On Being in a New Place
Moving from a place where you know everyone to a place you know no one is hard.
This is the most obvious thing I have ever said, but actually I had no idea. I was all like, yes! Vancouver! Challenge! Okay! As I'm walking down Ossington saying hello to every young, attractive person I pass because I actually real life know them not just because I am creepy and charmingly aggressive with strangers, which is also a thing that is true (#winesales).
I got here and my delightful bubble was no longer a thing. Life went from being super easy - all day time yoga and wine sales via text - to really hard? Like at first it was cool to be anonymous and then I realized that actually no one knew me or gave any shits and maybe that wasn't the nicest?
I spent 4 weeks being bummed about this. Guys! I'm Nicole! Look how smart and adorable I am! Don't you want to be my friend, be kind to me and buy all of my things? The answer is no. No, they did not. Because duh. They are all walking down their Ossingtons with the humans in their life and notttt really caring about new ones/ probs busy. I will now forever and always welcome new arrivals with the most open arms and invite them to actually everything possible.
I am now in month two and my perspective has changed. I am committed to re-acceptance into society! I have devised a plan! I will share it with you because it includes half-lessons also found in discount, teen motivational self-help books + nice pictures.
Step 1: No one gives a shit about you or wants you to talk to them.
Never fear! Things they want are here! Assemble badass wine and spirits, tempt would-be friends and prospective clients with said wines and spirits.
My favourite new place lesson so far is next level taking chances (read: not giving a fuck). I am using this a lot in wine sales, but as a life ethos it is basically the best. Walking into wherever you want to go with confidence and blatantly asking for what you want, whether it is personal (be my friend, kiss my face) or professional i.e., me walking into swank hotels and demanding information from people who do not know/ trust me or my company. "What, you don't want to give me buyer information? Refuse a second time? So sorry! I'm new here! Just from Toronto! Yes. Yes. I actually do need the real name and cell phone. No, I really do need the email too. I understand it is private. I'll wait." etc. This is an empowering way to live! The worst thing that can happen will be a great story to tell to your friends (once you make them) (if you make them) (just kidding you will totally make them).
Step two: stage events full of interesting humans. Winemaker from Alba? 40 dudes? LET'S DO THIS YVR.
Surprise people by being good at your job (why yes this is sadly still a thing women in wine face lots). Be a dick when 3-5 of the above mentioned dudes say sexist things. This is basically a full on hobby of mine. Nothing brings me greater joy than passing a beefy looking dude making loud grunting noises on the running trail or showing a room full of suits that actually I am not just there to "pour wine and look pretty" (pardon?) and I'm sorry did I say you could touch my back? (because you cannot). I find this blatant calling out of shitty behviour works exceedingly well both in commanding respect and making friends with non-creepy members of the party. Plus, sassy and fun!
Step three: stop crying and drinking long enough to accept that you should probably begin the job you were shipped 6000 km to do. Buy adorable office supplies to ease the transition.
Step four: do not cook for 6 weeks and eat all the garbage while perplexingly losing weight.
Step five: stop eating chips and peanut butter long enough to put on pants. Realize you should explore your new place! Today is the day! Say yes to all adventures that come your way. Aggressively bully budding friends to come with you. Why didn't I do more adventures in Toronto? That was dumb.
All of this activity will make your mother quite happy because really she is worried about you.
Step six: go into strangers beautiful homes when invited. Bond with their giant slobering animals, admire their tropical plants.
Step seven: now it's the weekend! It is sunny, but you don't know anyone? Wonder what to do? Take photo of self wondering what to do.
Step eight: find a thing to do! Plants! Buy plants! Rope new friend with truck to drive you to plant store. Spend many hours deciding on perfect plant children you will likely murder. Become very hungry and eat many ginger chews while attaching new children to truck. The children will fall anyway while on the highway, but I'm pretty sure it's like babies eating sand and it actually makes them more resilient and now they will never get hives from peanuts.
Step 9: friend sets up plants! They are so beautiful and make you feel 85% more settled. Wonder what is next? Take photo of self with plants.
Step ten: put down the iPhone. Must not always be alone! Join a sport or team! What do you mean you hate sports and teams? Oh, right, me too. Join the local Y because close enough + so much great people watching + spin classes and a steam room.
Step The Rest of Them: keep saying yes.
Soooo obviously still not settled that much (I heard this takes a year. A year?!!?!) and total worst guide ever, but progress. Regardless of how long I stay, I am already happy I came because holy shit are all the things different and that is probably good for my spirit animal development/ understanding of life and appreciation of others.
In related news I am now the most facinated by all other people who have done huge moves as adults to places where they had no connections. GUYS TELL ME YOUR STORIES I NEED THEM.